I Want To Get A Monocle

I want to get a monocle. And no, I’m not joking. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to own, not just wear, a monocle. Why? Simple. As illustrated by the list below, monocles are flat out illustrious.

So, without further ado:

Why I Want To Get a Monocle

  • They’re so…refined. Unlike glasses, they don’t just make you look smart; they make you look mature.
  • You don’t have to wear glasses (and I only wear glasses because of one insufficient eye anyway).
  • People won’t call you four-eyes (I mean, they’ll probably just come up with something else, but still).
  • It gives you a reason to grow a (dubious) mustache.
  • Gives you a reason to wear a top hat.
  • You look richer than you probably are.
  • It makes you memorable. In today’s society, people are going to remember anybody who wears a monocle. It sets you apart.
  • The monocle is a symbol of power and thus demands respect (so long as it’s worn right).
  • You can get away with a fake British accent no matter how bad it is…maybe.
  • You can dress up as the Planter’s Peanut’s Mr. Peanut for Halloween.

Superior to glasses in many ways, monocles aren’t as popular as they used to or should be. But that doesn’t dissuade me from wanting one. Monocles are illustrious. And at some point (whenever I have the money to spend on one), I will get one. It’s only a matter of time.

Until next time.

– JP

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  1. I’ve always wondered if a person has to use a different set of facial muscles to wear a monocle. If so, I wonder if it creates an eye twitch. Wouldn’t it be horrible to have a tick cause of a monocle?! Then there’d be more teasing beyond three eyes! But you could spend your pretend (Monopoly?) money to take care of those folks. Does the monopoly guy have a monocle? I’m going to go look at the box. We have more than one.

    1. Huh, I hadn’t thought of that, but it’s definitely possible. That it would :/ And in some editions of the game he has a monocle, while other times he doesn’t have any eyewear

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